She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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