Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
