making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
