It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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