I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
