I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
