Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
