I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize