shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
