Sry I called you an 8
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you're hired as official boob wrangler
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
