i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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