can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
