you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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