I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
