dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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