my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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