i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
