I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
