Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
