I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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