the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize