Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
