I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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