Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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