Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How does one acquire holy water?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
