Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
