My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
