he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
