Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
