put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
