Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
