its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
