Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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