i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize