Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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