Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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