i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
