Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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