Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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