Jerry, you need to find god
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
