saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we made out on top of his cat.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
