even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
