He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize