Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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