i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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