I just saw a hot homeless man
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
