you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
