Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
