Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
