There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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