How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
