I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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