Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
