she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize