don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
