I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize