How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
