Umm I'm too high to move.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
