She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize