The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
