office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
