Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
