If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
