Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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