yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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