Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
