i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
