she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
