At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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