i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
