If that was your dad, he is hot
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
