Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
