remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
