bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
