That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
