Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
