The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
