Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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