508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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