dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
