Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
